So here's what happened...

I Smoke Too Much Weed.

So I’ve been smoking a lot lately and now I feel like my whole life is passing me by. Everything seems like a dream. I don’t feel real. I don’t get super emotional. Idk maybe I’m just tripping. I want to stop, but it’s always around so I’m just like why not? I feel like my life has been sucked out of me and I am just not alive. Don’t take me for a depressed person, I’m not that. I still genuinely smile. I cry. I have fun. It just feel like I’m dreaming. There’s nothing that make me feel like I’m living real life anymore and it’s scary. It might not even be the weed, but I’m assuming it is. Anyone else going through this?

I smoke too much weed.

So I’ve been smoking a lot lately and now I feel like my whole life is passing me by. Everything seems like a dream. I don’t feel real. I don’t get super emotional. Idk maybe I’m just tripping. I want to stop, but it’s always around so I’m just like why not? I feel like my life has been sucked out of me and I am just not alive. Don’t take me for a depressed person, I’m not that. I still genuinely smile. I cry. I have fun. It just feel like I’m dreaming. There’s nothing that make me feel like I’m living real life anymore and it’s scary. It might not even be the weed, but I’m assuming it is. Anyone else going through this?

This Is My Life Now

I don’t know me
And it’s hurting everyone
People want me to make decisions that would be easy to someone who knows who they are
But with me, idk what to do
So there’s this guy…
Good dude
He would treat a girl right
But he’s a guy
So he’s stupid
He’s not stupid he just doesn’t understand girls
Typical
He’s been wanting me for a year and some change and I’ve liked his company.
I kinda like him too
But sometimes idk if I like him
Or the feeling of being normal
I like girls
Am I a lesbian?
I don’t know and that’s what pisses me off
I think guys are attractive and I liked being around that guy, but it’s so much easier with a girl
I feel like nothing’s forced,
I can ask questions and it won’t be
Too soon or awkward
Idk
So there’s this girl,
She’s cute
We’ve been talking for about a month
We had sex the first day
I like her
We hang all the time
So… I told the guy about the girl and vice versa
He told me to choose and if its not him then we can’t be friends
I eventually told him that I liked him but I can’t just hop in anything right now because I like her too and it would be dumb to hop into something with someone who isn’t ready wouldn’t want her to hurt herself
She’s depressive
She cuts
She ran out of medicine
I don’t wanna be the reason for any more self inflicted pain
She has new cuts and I know they’re because of me
I hate that
The boy stopped talking to me about a week ago and I stopped with the girl
But we started back up
Then I stopped again
And now we are back
She wants me to choose between her and myself
I feel like I need to figure out who I am first and love myself before I can be with anyone
But I like her and its now or never with her
It’s sad cuz I wish I could be with her when Im ready, but that’s selfish she has a life too and she can’t wait on me
Today I am supposed to tell her who wins her or me
Either way, I lose.

The Girl Back Home.

So, there’s this girl. During the holiday break I started to talk to this girl. We were already friends, but we were strictly two people who would flirt with each other. Well, I chilled with her a lot this break and one night she kissed me. I love kissing so yes I went along with it. This sneak kiss routine happened about four more times. It was random every time because we were play fighting and then out of no where there would be lips on my lips. At the end of the night, she asked me to choose truth or dare. I said dare. She asked for a kiss. I gave her one. She didn’t expect it, so she got really shy. It was cute. I loved how she looked at me. The next day or maybe the day after that, I went to her house and we messed around. Boobs were sucked, lips were kissed, and vaginas were touched. She was so shy. She kept blushing and smiling really hard. I loved that. I felt all special and shit. She kept getting back on me and I would play with her cooch and she started moaning and all that good stuff. It was random. I know we always flirted and shit, but I never expected that. Before all of this happened, when I was in her room we were just talking. We talked about a lot. That’s big with me. Anyone that can talk and keep me interested automatically gets massive cool points. I was digging it, can’t lie. We fell asleep together, and the next day we texted and all that good stuff. I went over a few times, but I went with my cousin so everything we did had to be quick. It was fun. We sucked each others boobs while he was laying right next to us, lol. Good stuff. The day before I left for college. I went back over and we just chilled, talked, and kissed n shit. I missed that. I haven’t really felt comfortable around someone like I do around her in a while, and I haven’t really been able to just talk to someone like I have with her in a while. At least not someone I’m interested in. We are both going to be far away from each other for a while and it hurts. We talk everyday. Whether it be texting, Skyping, or Facebook. I wish I had something like that where I’m at. I miss her. I know we’ll probably be nothing more than we are now, but I’m glad this happened with her. I needed it. I needed to know that I can still feel that feeling. It sucks that the only time I feel it is with girl, but eh, guess that’s something I’ll have to live with. *shrugs* I don’t know what to do though. I just really wish I could like a guy. I wish I could find a guy that makes me feel the way girls make me feel. I do like guys. I definitely do, It’s just I don’t know. I’ve never liked them like I like girls. They never keep me interested. Suggestions?

Anonymous asked: 3,,,13,,,23,,,33,,,43

Lol I’m guessing you like 3’s

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

I’m not sure. Um… lets go with now. I’m happy I’m back home but aggravated with the amount of nothing to do. Does that make sense?

13. What about ‘D’?

( Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘D’ ?) Yes.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

No.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Naw. Not my thing, but I want like every other piercing, though.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yea, I’ve heard that before. *shrugs*

Anonymous asked: 6,15,25

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

I just answered this one. Check my page.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Hell yea. I’m always trying to impress people. My weakness.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

My ex girlfriend tells me, but that’s about it.

Anonymous asked: 2,5,6

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Well, I’m only 19, so yea.. but I wouldn’t date anyone that is like just turning 18 or is still in high school

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I’m single in every way possible.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

I’m sure I have. I’m always listening to music. Right now I’m listening to Luther Vandross- I’d Rather which reminds me of my ex girlfriend… I don’t know why because I’m over that, but I guess I’m remembering how I used to feel about her. Ehh.